Living on campus provides students with opportunities to meet new people, live with new people, and learn about different lifestyles, opinions, and cultures. The information here will help to make sure this unique opportunity is a positive experience for everyone.
Things to do before Move-In Day
Talk with each other before move-in day. Not only will getting to know each other before move-in day help relieve some potential anxiety, but you can also coordinate what everyone is planning to bring. You can even discuss some of the fundamental issues like having guests over, cleaning standards, and sleep schedules.
Be sure to keep an open mind. Your roommates may have completely different interests and life experiences from you. That's okay! Your roommates may not always be your best friends. That's completely normal! As long as you can have a respectful living arrangement and some laughs, you are roommating right.
Things to do after Move-In Day
Have an open conversation about your ideal living environment. At UNO, you and your roommates will have to discuss and sign a Roommate Agreement with your Resident Assistant (RA) or another Housing and Residence Life staff member. This is your chance to be clear about what you need from your roommates. A good Roommate Agreement conversation should include the following:
- When do each of you need quiet time in the space?
- How are you all going to divide chores/responsibilities?
- What items will you all share?
- How do you all feel about having guests over? Romantic partners? Overnight guests?
Set your boundaries early. It is very hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube or the chips bag in the bag. Establishing what you are comfortable with as soon as possible gives your relationship with your roommates a firm foundation to build on.
Keep the lines of communication open. Living well together can only work if everyone is willing to communicate. No one can read minds, you must talk to your roommates. Talking early and openly can often help to solve initial disagreements.
Be intentional about having roommate bonding time. While you don't have to be best friends, it is still important to have time with roommates. As with other relationships, time together and relationship maintenance is important. Watching a show together or cooking a meal together can help roommates bond.
What to do if problems arise
Talk to your roommate. Communication is key to any relationship. Be willing to talk to your roommate about the issue face-to-face. While notes and text messages are good for some things, they are not always the best tools for solving problems.
Focus on behavior, not personality. The behavior is what you want changed. People may shut down when their personality or values are attacked. Try to keep the conversation focused on behaviors and use "I" statements as opposed to "you" statements. For example, saying, "I find it problematic when there are dishes in the sink for multiple days." can be more helpful than saying, "You never do the dishes!"
Stay flexible. Often the solution that works best is the one where everyone bends a little bit. Staying flexible and ready to find a fair compromise whenever possible, even if you think you are totally right, will help solve lots of conflicts in life, not just in the residence hall. It's important to remember, the other side usually thinks they are right too!
Consider the positives. It's always easier to work from a place of positivity. While it's easy to focus on the things are roommates are doing "wrong", it's important to give credit to all the things going right in the roommate relationship. Being positive keeps things civil and provides perspective on the current conflict.
Avoid being passive-aggressive. Hints are often misinterpreted, so why make things more complicated? By calmly and clearly coming to your roommate with your concern, everyone can understand what the conflict is about and can focus on a solution.
Housing and Residence Life Resources
Your resident assistant is a vital resource to you! Every community has a resident assistant who is a full-time student leader who lives on campus and helps guide the experience of residents in their building and in the greater housing community. Your community's RA is your first go-to person if you have a conflict and would like assistance.
Your residence life coordinator can help too! Maverick Village and University Village both have a professional staff member who lives on campus to help make the Housing and Residence Life experience engaging, educational, and inclusive. Your residence hall director is your next step in roommate conflicts when your RA has done all they can (which is more than you may think!).