How to Help a Friend
The information below is meant to help guide individuals who are looking to help others who are dealing with an emotional-related concern.
Decide on Urgency
When you have a concern about someone, it is important to quickly decide how serious their concern is. The situation may be a crisis, urgency, or appropriate for a regularly scheduled appointment.
Definitions of what these terms mean.
If you’ve determined that the situation is a crisis in which your friend may be a harm to themselves or others, and they are currently on campus, please contact UNO Public Safety at 402.554.2911. If your friend is off campus, call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency room. If your friend is not a UNO student, please call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency room.
How and When to Consult With CAPS
Remember, if someone is in a crisis situation where they are having serious suicidal or homicidal thoughts, please contact UNO Public Safety at 402.554.2911 or call 911 immediately.
If you are unsure how best to support your friend and would find it helpful to talk to a counselor, you are welcome to call. CAPS can be reached at 402.554.2409 Monday thru Friday from 8 A.M. - 5 P.M.
CAPS is not open on days the university is closed. Depending on the situation, you may just talk to a counselor briefly or be asked to make an appointment and come talk to a counselor in person.
Ways to Support a Friend
You don't have to be a trained professional to help support others who are having a difficult time. There are several ways to show your support to someone in need. The first way is to actively listen. This seems like a very easy strategy but can often times be harder than you would think.
When truly listening we are fully engaged in the conversation. This means giving verbal cues that you are listening (like saying "uh-huh") and avoiding distractions such as television and cell phones. Listening also means really listening and understanding what the other person is saying without having to say anything yourself.
Once we have listened to what someone is saying we can show them that we are listening by paraphrasing. This is simply summarizing what your someone has told you, but putting it in your own words. An example might look like this:
Friend: I've been really working hard in my classes but I can't seem to get good grades on my tests. I could end up failing a few classes this semester.
You: So even though you are putting in the work you still might not do well in some of your classes.
You can also paraphrase the emotion someone may be expressing in the conversation. An example might look like this:
Friend: I've been really working hard in my classes but I can't seem to get good grades on my tests. I could end up failing a few classes this semester.
You: It sounds like you are really worried about your grades in your classes.
Paraphrasing helps communicate that you are listening and understand without any opinions or judgment. It also encourages your friend to continue talking and tell you more of what is going on.
When supporting someone in need, it is important to remember to avoid giving unsolicited advice. It is in our nature to want to offer solutions to their problem. However, this can end up giving them the impression that you aren't truly listening to what they are saying.
Oftentimes, people already know solutions to their problems. They have come to you for a listening ear. This doesn't mean that giving advice or offering solutions will not be helpful. Just give advice sparingly. If you are unsure if they want advice you can simply ask, "What can I do to help?"
How to Refer a Friend to CAPS
You may find that your friend may need more support than you are able to give. It's important to recognize when this is happening and encourage your friend to seek professional services. There are many places and many ways to address mental health concerns, CAPS may be a good referral to help get the process started. CAPS offers free, short-term counseling to all students, faculty, and staff.
View more information on our services
People often worry about how others might respond if it's suggested they see a counselor. Most people are understanding of this suggestion. You can soften this suggestion by letting them know that you care about them.
You can tell them that you are concerned that you might not have all the knowledge needed to best support them. Options for helping your friend set up a first appointment would be giving them the CAPS phone number or walking with them to 102 H&K during regular business hours.
By telling them what to expect at their first appointment, you can help calm some of their worries. Let them know that you are still there for them and will continue to support them. Find out information on what to expect.