You know, I’ve been living here in Omaha for 10 years now, and I still can’t get used to this crazy weather. One day I freeze so much I think my tail’s gonna fall off, and the next it feels like I’m home on the Serengeti! I wish it’d hurry up and make up its mind already. Anyway, on to business. You guys marched an awesome halftime show this weekend! Maybe it was the innovative pep talks given to you by some of the staff—although the first mention of ducks and other peckers had me hoping I was going to get to eat some tasty birds!—or the fact that you had two weeks to get things going; whatever it was, it definitely worked. You—and the football team—looked fantastic at the game. Don’t let it go to your heads, though—you’ve got to be brilliant when you go up to Grand Forks, because that’s going to be more hostile than the family reunion I went to when I was dating a gazelle… Man, that was ugly. I have a cousin that reminds of you guys sometimes. Her name’s Wanda, and she’s a lot younger than I am. She’s got the potential to be the best hunter in our whole family’s history, but she spends a lot of time goofing off and playing with her friends instead. She never bothers to go out and kill food until my aunt yells at her—and then she’ll usually come back with news of enough food to feed the whole family for a week. I’ll never understand why she doesn’t just go out and kill the food before she gets yelled at. You guys have a great work ethic—you just have to be chastised into focusing. Why not just work hard without the staff having to get frustrated with you first? They know you can do it, I know you can do it, and most importantly, you know you can do it. So… Do it! Bring home the food before Mom gets mad, and we’ll all be happier in the end. I heard Vanessa came down and was talking smack about Aubrey and the clarinets—I guess it must be time for Penny Wars again. Best of luck to everyone, but beware: I’ve heard some of the sections (like the trombones) like to be sneaky and do things like fold paper money and tape it between pennies—so they look like they’re doing you a favor when they’re really trying to sabotage you. The safest thing to do is just sabotage them first—like we say on the Serengeti, kill first and ask questions later! The prize this year sounds pretty drool-worthy, so I hope whichever section wins will adopt me for that morning. I’ve got to be going, Marching Mavs—keep up the good work, and continue to make me proud!